I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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