i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
