24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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