Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish my penis had an off switch
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
