why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
