So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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