I just cut my nipple shaving
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
