turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
