The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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