I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
