I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love you. Go after that dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
