he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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