My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
