cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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