as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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