used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
