So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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