she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
