I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The ass gains better be worth it
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