I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
