i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
