Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
