Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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