He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
