and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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