Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
