So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
