Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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