I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
