How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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