"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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