she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
