I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
