I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
