Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
