Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
