It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
