the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Green mimosas i think yes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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