dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You are a genius and a whore.
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