I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
