Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
