SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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