plz talk dirty to me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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