All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize