so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
nutella sex= disaster
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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