I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
