I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you had me at cake vodka
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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