My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
