watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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