At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So squirting runs in the family.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
