At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
