She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
