my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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