You're so nebulous sometimes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
