Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
