I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
