I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
