Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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