I'm so fucking centered right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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