I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
