If that was your dad, he is hot
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
