TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
