oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
